


One in Five

by Tora_Gura



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Comfort, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 20:08:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1660901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tora_Gura/pseuds/Tora_Gura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has been gang-raped by Loki and four of his own security guards. Now he needs medical attention...and Pepper's support.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Awkward Position

**Author's Note:**

> The movies don't show the first time Loki escaped from prison. But Tony's rape explains his PTSD and obsession with remote-controlled suits in Iron Man 3 and leads to him treating Bruce like a therapist. When Loki was recaptured, he was placed in solitary confinement, as seen in Thor 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony can't deny that he's been raped when Pepper finds him like this.

"Oh, my God! Tony? Tony, can you hear me?"

The billionaire woke with a start and tugged at his restraints. "Don't touch me!"

Pepper stroked his face to calm him. "It's okay. It's just me."

He closed his eyes in shame. Pepper was the last person he wanted to see. He was naked and tied spread-eagle on a table in his workshop with a statue of Stark tower shoved up his ass. He'd never be able to look her--or anyone else--in the eye again.

Pepper removed her jacket and draped it over Tony. "I'm going to find something to cut you free." She returned a moment later with a utility knife and began sawing at the rope. "Who did this to you?"

The billionaire's face turned red. "Loki." He couldn't bring himself to tell her about the other four men, who were acting under the god's spell. They were his own security guards, people he trusted, friends. _Remember when you joked that one in five men has performance issues?_ Loki had said. _Well, now there are five of us to prove you wrong._

Pepper finished cutting the rope. "Don't move or try to pull it out because you could make things worse. I'm going to get you a blanket and call for help."

Tony rubbed his wrists and listened for the clack of his girlfriend's shoes to fade. As soon as she was gone, he reached back and grabbed the protruding end of the statue. He clenched his jaw and grunted as he pulled. It hurt like hell, but he had to get the damned thing out. He slid off the table and grimaced when his feet hit the floor. His whole body ached, but he had to get his pants on. He was buttoning his fly when Pepper returned.

"Tony!" she gasped. "You should have waited for a doctor to do that."

The billionaire winced as he reached for his shirt. "I'm fine."

She handed it to him. "No you're not. You can barely move, and blood is already seeping through your trousers."

Tony's heart skipped a beat. Was it really that bad?

Pepper took him by the arm and guided him to a chair. "Sit down before you pass out."

He eased into the chair slowly. But pain shot up his bottom, and he flinched.

"A helicopter is on its way to take you to the hospital," Pepper said. "Now wait here while I pack you a change of clothes."

The billionaire frowned in confusion. "Am I staying overnight?"

Pepper's face softened. "I don't know. But you'll want to shower and change after the exam, and I doubt they have clothes for male rape victims."

The pit of Tony's stomach dropped. That's what he was, now: a rape victim.

Pepper must have noticed the change in his expression because she said, "Will you be okay? I'll only be gone a minute."

Tony nodded, but panic seized him the moment she left. What if Loki came back while she was gone? What if she _was_ Loki? Maybe the shapeshifter was messing with his head. His seat felt wet, and he realized Pepper was right. He was bleeding. How bad were his injuries? The doctor would have to do a rectal exam to find out. Oh, God! His chest tightened, and it hurt to breathe.

"Tony?"

The billionaire squawked.

"Are you okay?"

He rubbed his chest. "It hurts," he panted.

Pepper dropped the bag of clothes and rushed to Tony's side. She checked his pulse and felt his forehead. "I think you're having an anxiety attack," she said. "Take a deep breath."

Tony tried, but his lungs collided with a wall of pain.

"Let it out. Now a little deeper..."

A knock at the door made Tony yelp.

"It's just the paramedics," Pepper reassured him. "Keep breathing. I'm going to let them in."

After a hushed conversation, two men in uniform rolled a gurney into the room. When Tony saw the safety straps, he felt like his heart was being squeezed. Was this a heart attack? He clutched his chest and groaned.

"Can you give him something for anxiety?" Pepper asked.

One of the paramedics was arranging test tubes in a row. "We'll have to draw blood first to check for drugs."

Tony's eyes widened. "You think this is my fault? You think I'm high? I'm not high!"

Pepper put her hand on his shoulder. "He means date-rape drugs, dear."

There was that word again, and Tony felt like puking. This wasn't happening. It wasn't real. He was dreaming. He had to be.

"You're going to feel a pinch."

Tony's arm stung, and he looked down. Blood was squirting into a test tube. He hadn't noticed the paramedic tying the tourniquet around his arm or rubbing alcohol on it because he was having an out-of-body experience, floating six inches to the right of his head.

When the last tube was drawn, the paramedic wrapped a bandage around Tony's arm and said, "I'm going to give you a shot for anxiety, now."

Tony nodded, and a moment later his shoulder was on fire. What was in that syringe? Acid?

"I know it burns," the paramedic said. "I'm sorry."

Sorry? Sorry for this? What about the five men who ripped him open? Was anybody sorry about that?

"Now we're going to help you onto the stretcher--"

"No!" Tony shouted.

Pepper squatted in front of him and said, "Honey, you're in no shape to walk to the chopper."

"No! I won't let them strap me down."

The redhead put her hand on Tony's thigh. "I understand that you don't want to be tied down again, but this is different. You'll have your arms free, and I'll be with you."

Why was she talking to him like he was a child? Why was he _acting_ like a child? He was being irrational, and he knew it. But his fear was too intense to ignore.

Pepper stood and held out her hands like a mother enticing a toddler. It was downright humiliating. But the wet spot on Tony's pants reminded him that he was still bleeding and needed medical attention. He sighed and took her hands, struggling to his feet.

Once he was on the stretcher, the paramedics started to buckle him in.

"Wait!" Everyone looked at Tony, and he dropped his head. "I need to do this myself." The paramedics stepped back, and he reached down to fumble with the straps. His hands were trembling, but no one intervened, thankfully. When he was finished, he collapsed in exhaustion. Why was everything so difficult, now?

Pepper said, "I'll take care of the last one." She bent over and fastened the strap across Tony's chest. Then she pushed his hair back gently. "We're going to get through this together."

Tony's eyes felt hot, and he turned his head to the side.


	2. The Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions from the nurse bring up bad memories for Tony.

When Tony and Pepper arrived at the hospital, they were taken to a private exam room. Tony gingerly dismounted the stretcher and tried not to flinch as he lowered himself into a chair. A few minutes later a woman with a ponytail entered and smiled sadly at the couple. Tony was glad she had her hair back because it was the same color and length as Loki's.

"I'm sorry about what happened to you," the woman said, and her sincerity brought a lump to Tony's throat. "My name is Julie Hart. I'm a nurse with special training in sexual assault exams. Before we get started, I want to make sure you're comfortable with me. It's not unusual after an experience like this to have emotional reactions to people who remind you of the assailant."

Tony was embarrassed to mention Julie's hair, so he said, "Loki is effeminate, but not _that_ effeminate."

Julie said, "That brings me to my next question. Would you prefer a male or female doctor?"

Tony shifted his weight and avoided Pepper's gaze. "Female."

The nurse nodded. "That's understandable. I'll get Dr. O'Toole. She's really nice. But if you have concerns after you meet her, you can ask for someone else. You're in complete control here. You can say no to anything or anyone at any time. You can also choose to have someone with you." She paused to look at Pepper.

"I can stay if you want," the redhead offered.

"If you're more comfortable with a stranger," Julie added, "we have advocates available."

For the first time in Tony's life, he was indecisive. He didn't want to go through this alone, but he felt awkward enough as it was.

Pepper finally said, "I can wait outside."

Fear suddenly won over Tony's shame. "No, wait," he said, trying not to sound desperate. "I want you here...at least for now."

With that decided, the couple looked at Julie, and she continued. "The purpose of this exam is two-fold. We want to identify and treat any injuries you may have, but we also want to gather evidence in case you decide to press charges. I'm going to ask some embarrassing questions. You don't have to answer them, but any information you can give will be helpful."

Tony let out a long breath and nodded.

"How many assailants were there?"

"Five."

Pepper gasped. "Oh, Tony!"

The billionaire's jaw tightened. He didn't need Pepper's reaction to remind him how awful the experience had been.

"Did you know them?" Julie asked.

"I fought Loki during the chitauri invasion. The others were members of my security staff. Loki used mind control on them."

"Oh my God!" Pepper exclaimed. "Who?"

Tony listed their names, and Julie wrote them down. "It wasn't their fault," he reiterated. Even so, he never wanted to see them again. The memories would be too much. And when they came to their senses, they'd feel the same way. Instead of firing them, though, he planned to treat this as a work comp case. He'd let them take medical retirement for job-related PTSD and give them full pensions. After all, it was his fault they were dragged into this mess. Loki only recruited them to get revenge against him.

"When did the assault occur?" the nurse asked.

"Eight forty-eight this morning."

"That's a precise number," she observed.

"One of the guys who held me down was wearing a watch," Tony explained. He had given it to the guard for ten years of service.

_Tony was bent over the table, and Loki was fucking him hard--without lubrication. The god was resistant to injury and didn't need it, and he certainly wasn't going to use it for Tony's benefit._

_The billionaire's ass was on fire, and he tried to distance himself from the pain by studying the watch. The table shook beneath him as the second hand moved inexorably forward, never reaching its destination. He felt like the rape would never end._

_He was already stretched tight around the massive god, so when Loki started to move faster, it tore him inside, and the world disappeared. There was no table, no watch, no men holding him. Just pain. Blinding pain._

_Then Loki howled in ecstasy, and Tony felt warm semen filling him until it leaked out and trickled down his leg, mingled with blood. Tony's face flushed with shame, but he was relieved to know the rape was over._

_Then Loki slid out of him and said, "Next."_

_That's when Tony realized the god had meant it when he said all five of them would take him, and his heart sank. His only hope was that the guards would be able to resist Loki's spell..._

_But Hal stepped forward._

_Loki patted him on the back. "I loosened him up for you," he bragged._

_Hal unzipped his pants and grabbed Tony by the hips._

_The billionaire cried._

"Mr. Stark?"

Julie's voice brought Tony back to the present. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"What kind of force did they use? Keep in mind that force doesn't have to be physical. It can include threats and date-rape drugs."

The billionaire studied his hands. "It was five against one, and I didn't have my suit. I tried to run, but Frank--he used to be a football player--he tackled me. They beat me until I was too weak to resist. Then they put me on my knees, and Hal held a gun to my head while Loki...while Loki made me...you know..."

"Did he force you to perform fellatio on him?"

Tony nodded. Even clinical terms made him sick. "I didn't do it right, so George and Sal bent me over the table and pinned my arms down."

"Did they use restraints?"

"Not at first. Loki enjoyed making them hold me...adding insult to injury, you know? It wasn't until they were finished that they laid me out on the table and tied my hands and feet with rope."

"You said Loki forced you to perform fellatio on him. What about the others?"

Tony shook his head.

"Did any of them perform fellatio on you?"

"No."

"Were you forced to masturbate them?"

"No, but Loki..."

"He masturbated you?"

Tony closed his eyes and nodded.

"Did any of them penetrate you?"

"All of them." The billionaire was getting hoarse.

"What did they use?"

"Loki used his fingers... Then he... He... You know..."

"He penetrated you with his penis?"

Tony nodded again, and his eyes felt moist. "After that the others took turns."

"You mean they all sodomized you?"

Another nod. "Then they... They tied me down and...used a statue." Tony wiped his eyes.

"That's how I found him," Pepper explained. "They just left him like that."

"Did any of them ejaculate?"

The billionaire bit his lip and nodded once more.

"Where?"

"Inside me."

"Who?"

"All of them."

"It's common for the victim to ejaculate as well. If you did, it doesn't mean you liked it or wanted it. It just means nerves were stimulated. Did you ejaculate?"

Tony covered his face with one hand and fought back tears. "Yes," he croaked.

_Loki had two dry fingers up Tony's butt, and the friction hurt like hell. But at the same time he was massaging Tony's prostate and getting the billionaire hard._

_The god leaned close Tony's ear and whispered, "Admit it. You like this."_

_Loki's voice sent goosebumps down Tony's spine, and the billionaire shook his head._

_The god rubbed a little faster, and the sexual tension began to build. He reached around with his free hand and grabbed Tony's cock, which was already leaking pre-cum. "Your body tells a different story," Loki hissed. He slid his hand along the shaft of Tony's penis and caressed the underside of the head. The billionaire gasped, and Loki laughed. "See? Your body tells the truth. You want this. You're enjoying it."_

Pepper put her hand on Tony's knee and whispered, "It's okay." But Tony refused to look at her.

Julie said, "I'm sorry this is bringing up bad memories. I'll step out for a while and give you time to recover. When I return, I'll introduce you to Dr. O'Toole."

Tony's eyes widened and his heart raced.

"We won't start the exam until you're ready," Julie reassured him.


	3. A First Time for Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, Pepper is just too damned nice.

The silence following Julie's departure left Tony without distraction and made it harder for him to ignore his pain. He was sore from the beating, but he could handle that. He'd taken plenty of beatings as Iron Man. No, what bothered him was the tenderness in his bottom. There was just no way to sit comfortably. The pressure made his butt throb, reminding him he'd been raped, not once, but five times. Pepper started rubbing Tony's back. But instead of relaxing him, it made his skin crawl. "Please...don't," he muttered.

The redhead put her hands in her lap and said, "I'm sorry... I don't know what to do for you."

A knock at the door startled the billionaire, and Julie entered with an older woman wearing glasses. "I'm Dr. O'Toole," the woman said, "but you can call me Sarah. I find first names are less intimidating for patients in these situations. Are you ready to answer a few more questions?"

When Tony nodded, Sarah continued. "I need to ask about your sexual history. These questions aren't meant as accusations, and I'm not suggesting that anything you did caused the assault. But it helps me distinguish evidence of the assault from evidence of previous encounters."

Tony reached for Pepper's hand and said, "Go ahead. I have nothing to hide." His girlfriend knew he'd been a womanizer in the past, but he was committed to her, now.

"When was the last time you had consensual intercourse?"

"Last night," the billionaire replied, "with my girlfriend." Pepper blushed, and he squeezed her hand.

"Are you monogamous?"

"Yes."

"How many partners did you have before this relationship?"

"I don't know." Tony looked at Pepper sheepishly. "Dozens, maybe..."

"Did you ever have sex with men?"

Tony's throat tightened. "No." He wasn't homophobic, but the question brought up memories of Loki taunting him.

_He was bent over the table with his pants down, and Loki circled him twice before stopping to caress his buttocks. The god was moving slowly, giving Tony's fear time to build, and it worked. The billionaire shivered, and Loki laughed._

_"You're shaking like a virgin," the trickster remarked. "Haven't you been with a man before?"_

_Tony's heart raced. "No."_

_Loki ran his finger down the billionaire's crack. "You mean to tell me you never experimented in your youth?" He pressed a dry finger against Tony's hole._

_"No." Tony felt like his heart was going to explode._

_"Surely you've let your girlfriends finger you," the god said, forcing his digit in._

_The friction made Tony flinch._

_"I believe you're telling the truth!" Loki exclaimed. "You've got the tightest ass I've ever seen."_

_Tony grunted as another finger went in._

_"Don't worry," the trickster reassured him sarcastically. "I'll loosen you up. You'll be an old pro by the time I'm finished with you." He pulled his fingers apart, and Tony gasped in pain._

"--STDs?"

The billionaire blinked and looked at Sarah. "Excuse me?"

"I asked if you've ever been tested for STDs."

"Yes," the Tony replied. "But it's been a while. I didn't think it was necessary in a committed relationship."

Sarah made a note. "Have you ever tested positive for anything?"

Tony frowned. "No... What are you getting at?"

The doctor adjusted her glasses. "You might have been exposed to diseases during the assault. I'll prescribe preventive treatment, but you'll need to come back for follow-up testing."

Tony glanced nervously at Pepper. "What about...exotic diseases?"

"What do you mean?" Sarah asked.

"Loki isn't human," the billionaire replied. "He's from another realm."

"He led the chitauri invasion," Julie explained.

Sarah cleared her throat. "I'll have to consult with a xenobiologist about that." She made another note, and Tony's stomach churned. Loki might be invincible, but Typhoid Mary proved that healthy people could still transmit disease.

"I'd like to check for head injuries, now," the doctor said as she lowered the exam table. "If you would sit here, please."

Tony gave Pepper's hand one more squeeze and struggled out of his chair. Why did walking have to hurt so much? It was like his own body was punishing him for the rape. He eased onto the exam table and inhaled sharply when a new wave of pain shot up his backside.

"No sign of concussion," Sarah said, shining a light in Tony's eyes. "May I swab your mouth?"

Tony's jaw ached, but he complied. Sarah hit a sore spot in the back of his throat, and he winced. "See this bruising?" she said to Julie. "We'll need pictures of that, too."

Julie nodded and went to get a camera from the drawer.

"If it's okay with you, Julie's going to take pictures of the bruises on you face and in your mouth," Sarah explained. "Then she'll comb your hair for evidence."

"What good will that do?" Tony asked. "Loki was the only one responsible for his own actions, and he managed to escape from a maximum security prison in Asgard. Do you know how advanced their technology is?"

"Let her do it," Pepper said gently. "You may change your mind later."

"Fine." Tony relented. "Go ahead."

Sarah said, "While Julie's doing that, I'm going to step out and call a xenobiologist."

While the nurse took pictures, Tony asked, "Who's going to see these?"

"Only people who are authorized to see your medical records," Julie replied, "and the court, if you press charges."

"That's another reason not to press charges," Tony muttered.

"You may change your mind after the shock is over," Pepper said. "That happened to a friend of mine. She didn't go to the doctor right away so there wasn't enough evidence when she decided to come forward. She still regrets it."

"Really?" Tony furrowed his brow. "I didn't know you had a friend who was...attacked." He couldn't bring himself to say _raped_.

"It's more common than you think," Pepper replied. "But most people don't talk about it."

Julie donned a pair of gloves and took a comb out of the rape kit. "What's in your hair?" she asked, pointing at the side of Tony's head.

"Vomit," the billionaire confessed, staring at his hands. "I gagged when Loki... When I was on my knees."

Julie snagged a knot in Tony's hair, and he winced. "I'm sorry," she said.

"It's not your fault," Tony replied. "My scalp is sore."

"Did they pull your hair?" Julie asked.

"Yeah," the billionaire mumbled.

When the nurse finished, she handed Tony a hospital gown. "We'd like to check your upper body next. You don't have to take off your pants, just your shirt. When you undress, stand on that paper over there, so we can catch any evidence that falls off. Then put your shirt in here." She handed him an evidence bag. "We'll provide you with fresh clothes after the exam."

"We brought clothes," Pepper said, indicating the bag on the floor next to her. "I wasn't sure what you'd have for men."

"That was good thinking," Julie replied. "A lot of facilities are ill-equipped for male patients." She turned to Tony. "You're not alone, though. Sexual assault is almost as common among men as women, but men are less likely to report it."

After Julie left, Tony fidgeted with his hands and said, "Would you mind turning around? I feel strange being watched."

"I think that's normal after something like this," Pepper said, facing the wall.

"How long do these feelings last?" Tony asked as he unbuttoned his shirt. Most of the buttons were missing because the guards had torn his clothes off hastily before tying him down.

"I don't know," Pepper replied. "But I'll be here for you as long as it takes."

The billionaire's eyes watered, but he convinced himself it was from the stench of his shirt. He shoved the garment in the bag and put on the gown. It smelled better, but it was thinner. "Can you help me tie the back?" he asked. "My arms are sore." It was no wonder, the way the guards had twisted them.

When Pepper turned to help, the sadness on her face threatened to make Tony's eyes water again. He swallowed and presented his back.

"They were...brutal...weren't they?" Pepper asked, lightly touching a sore spot.

Tony nodded and tried again to swallow the lump in his throat. When Pepper finished, he turned to face her, and she hugged him. He felt like a little boy in his mother's arms, and he wanted to cling to her and bawl while she comforted him. But he was afraid he'd never stop crying. So he pushed her away and said, "I can't."

Pepper put her hand on his face, which hurt than he expected, and said, "It's okay."

Why did she have to be so damned nice? Everything she did threatened to make him cry, and he didn't have time for tears. He shuffled to the exam table and eased onto it, gritting his teeth as the familiar pain shot up his butt. His body seemed hell-bent on reminding him of the rape at every opportunity. When the pain finally settled into a dull throb, he said, "Talk to me."

Pepper furrowed her brow. "About what?"

"Anything but this," Tony replied. "I need a distraction. Why don't you tell me what you thought of that charity ball the other night?" He tried to listen to her response and nod in the right places. But in the back of his mind he knew he'd been gang-raped, and his life would never be the same.


	4. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, your best just isn't good enough

When the doctor and nurse returned, Sarah said, "I have good news. Loki's appearance doesn't change his basic physiology. He's still a frost giant, and frost giant diseases can't be transmitted to humans."

Tony laughed nervously. "Great. Now all I have to worry about are human diseases."

"STD treatment has come a long way," Sarah reassured him. "With early intervention we can prevent or minimize many of them."

But that was little comfort to Tony. _Many_ wasn't the same as _all_.

"The other assailants will be tested when the police track them down," she added.

Tony said, "I don't want to press charges against them. They were forced to do those things."

"They were victims, too," the doctor agreed. "That's why the police need to talk to them."

The billionaire frowned at the diamond pattern on his hospital gown. What did Loki do with the guards after they left? "Oh, God!" he exclaimed. "What if Loki killed them? It's all my fault!"

Pepper said, "He won't kill them. Their skills are too valuable to him."

"Then I've got to rescue them!"

The redhead put her hand on Tony's knee. "You have enough worries of your own, right now. Let the other Avengers handle it."

"No," he protested. "I don't want anyone to know about this."

"They don't have to know what happened to you," Pepper reassured him. "All they need to know is that Loki has escaped and taken hostages."

Tony didn't like being left on the sidelines, especially when he felt responsible for the situation, but he had little choice. How could he fight when walking across the room was a chore? He sighed and looked at Sarah, who was putting on gloves.

"May I see your arms?" she asked.

He stretched out his hands and tried to hold them steady.

Sarah grasped them gently and said, "It's okay. I won't hurt you."

Tony knew that, but hearing the words helped his frayed nerves--a little. Still, kindness of the doctor's touch seemed out of place after everything he'd been through, and he had to fight the irrational urge to pull away.

Sarah adjusted her glasses and studied his injuries. He had rope burns on his wrists and bruises where the guards had held him. "Did they twist your arms?" she asked.

Tony nodded.

"I want you to relax while I move each arm through its full range of motion. Let me know if it hurts."

Tony cringed. "Ah!"

"It's probably a pulled muscle," the doctor said, "but I'm going to order X-rays to make sure."

"May I scrape under your fingernails for evidence?" Julie asked. When Tony nodded, she took his hand. Even with latex gloves, her hands felt warm against his cold, clammy skin.

When Julie finished, Sarah said, "May I look at your chest?"

"You can... But I need help untying my gown."

She reached around Tony's neck and tugged the strings. The billionaire pulled the garment down, revealing the soft glow of his arc reactor. He didn't have bruises on his chest and stomach, but his sides were tender where he'd been kicked.

"I'm going to order X-rays of your ribs, as well," the doctor said.

"Is it okay if I take pictures?" Julie asked.

Tony nodded and waited self-consciously until she finished. Then he pushed the gown over his shoulders and said, "Will you help me tie it...please?" Asking for help with such simple tasks made him feel like a child.

Sarah tied the strings and said, "Is it okay if I walk behind you to look at your back?"

Tony nodded again. He appreciated the warning.

"You have a boot mark," she commented. "Did someone step on you?"

Tony swallowed and looked at his hands. "Loki did... After I threw up."

_Loki had promised not to take Tony from behind if he satisfied him orally. And the billionaire tried. God, how he tried. But when the trickster pushed deeper, he choked, and in his panic for air, he clawed Loki's buttocks._

_The god shoved him off, and he gagged so hard he puked. Hal pressed the gun to the back of his head, and he cringed, waiting for death. But instead, Loki kicked him over and stomped on him, mashing his face into his own vomit._

_"You didn't try very hard," the god said. "It's like you **want** me to fuck you in the ass."_

_"No, please! I can do better. Give me another chance."_

_Loki looked around at the guards and laughed. "Behold, the mighty Tony Stark begging to give me a blow job like a cheap whore... Bend him over the table."_

"--keep your underwear on."

Tony shook his head in an effort to clear the memory. "I'm sorry. What was that?"

"I was saying I'd like to check your legs, but you can keep your underwear on."

Tony's muscles went rigid. He was getting closer to the part of the exam he dreaded most.

"Do you want me to step out?" Pepper asked as the medical staff was leaving.

Tony panicked. "No!" Then he took a deep breath. "Just turn your back." He stood on the paper and took a very long time to remove his shoes and socks. When he finally slid his pants down, he gasped.

"Are you okay?" Pepper asked, still facing the wall.

"Yeah. I just... I forgot I was bleeding." His body burned with shame, and he bagged the pants quickly. A knock at the door made him yelp, and he clutched the back of his gown. "Come in!" he croaked as he lowered himself onto the exam table. God, it hurt. Why did his body hate him so much? 

"I'm going to start at your feet," Sarah explained, "and work up to your lower thighs. I won't go any higher than that right now."

Tony breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay."

She sat on a chair in front of him and raised his legs one at a time, scrutinizing his injuries. He had rope burns on his ankles and bruises on his knees. "Now, if you'll stand up, Julie will photograph your legs."

The billionaire felt ridiculous, but he complied.

"We should check your private parts, too," the doctor said, and Tony's pulse skyrocketed. "I'll go slowly, and you can stop me at any time, okay? We'll step out so you can remove your underwear."

Tony looked at Pepper. He was still afraid to be alone, but he didn't know how he'd react to the exam. Would he cry, or worse, would he find it pleasurable? His body had already betrayed him once. Either, way, he didn't want her to see him like that. "I want you to go, now."

"Are you sure?" the redhead asked.

Tony nodded. "It's too embarrassing."

"If you change your mind," she replied, "send someone to get me, okay?" She gave him a kiss on the cheek and left.

Tony thought about putting his clothes on and leaving before anyone returned, but he needed treatment for his injuries. He had to heal, if for no other reason than to spite Loki. So he stepped on the paper and dropped his boxers.


	5. Science Project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the exam gets more personal, Tony feels less human.

By the time Julie and Sarah returned, Tony was sitting on the exam table, shivering.

Sarah said, "I know this is frightening for you, but we're going to take it slowly and gently. I'll give you a brief overview of what I'm going to do. Then I'll ask your permission at each step. And remember, you can say no at any time--even in the middle of a procedure."

Tony hugged his waist. "Okay."

"I'll start by pressing your abdomen to check for internal injuries. Then I'll check your penis and scrotum for injuries, and Julie will comb your pubic hair and take pictures for evidence. After that, you'll need to wipe the blood off your bottom, and we'll take more pictures."

Tony blanched and squeezed himself tighter. "Okay."

"Given the nature of the object that was used, I believe we should perform a sigmoidscopy to check for colorectal tears. Do you know what that is?"

Tony felt like puking. "Yes," he whispered. "But I've never had one." He knew it meant that a clear, hollow tube with a camera inside would be inserted into his rectum, and the thought made him tremble.

"Before we do that, I'll take a rectal swab for evidence. Then you'll need to give yourself two enemas."

A chill went down Tony's spine. Even doing it himself scared him, but at least it would wash away the filth inside.

"We'll need to wait at least ninety minutes after that, so you can shower and get your X-rays done during that time. Then you'll be sedated for the procedure."

"Good," Tony croaked.

"Do you want surgery right away if you need it?"

"Yes." Tony hugged himself so tightly his knuckles turned white. But he knew there was no point in waiting.

"Do you have any questions?" Sarah asked. When Tony shook his head, she said, "Shall we start? You'll need to lie on your back for the abdominal exam."

The two women moved to either side of Tony, and he began to lean back. But pain seized him, and he gasped.

"We've got you," Julie reassured him. "Just relax into our arms." He did, and they eased him down the rest of the way. Then Julie draped a blanket over his legs.

Tony was surprised how thankful he was for a mere blanket. He'd felt the same gratitude after his captivity in Afghanistan, when a simple cheeseburger seemed like a gourmet meal. But where hunger could be satisfied, shame could not. The blanket only covered his body. It could never make him feel clean.

Sarah pressed his stomach and asked if it hurt. "My muscles are sore," he replied, "but I don't have any pain in my organs."

"That's good," the doctor said. "Do you mind if I check your penis and scrotum?"

Tony flushed. "No."

Sarah parted the gown and blanket just enough to expose the billionaire, and he tensed. When she touched his penis, his breathing became shallow. "It's okay," she reassured him. "I'm not going to hurt you." But it wasn't pain that Tony feared.

_The god stroked him furiously, and he felt himself nearing climax. "No!" he shouted as the release began. "No, no, no, no!" But waves of unwanted pleasure racked his body. When it was over he tried to collapse, but the guards held him firmly in place._

_"See?" Loki whispered fiercely in his ear. "I was right. You're nothing but a filthy whore."_

_Tony stared blankly at the table top. He'd never be able to enjoy sex again without being haunted by this moment._

"--pubic hair?"

Tony missed the question, but he saw Julie with an evidence comb and understood. "Go ahead," he replied, staring at the ceiling. He'd never been combed down there before, and it was a strange sensation. It didn't trigger any memories, but he still felt objectified. He was less than human, now, just a collection of body parts on display like a science fair project.

Maybe it served him right for treating intimacy so callously in his youth. He never misled his partners by pretending to be committed, and he certainly didn't rape them--they were all more than willing to have a fling with the famous billionaire. But sex had been nothing more than recreation for him--until he fell in love with Pepper. That's when he discovered sex was much more satisfying as part of an intimate, committed relationship. And now Loki had stolen that joy. The thought of intercourse, even with Pepper, made Tony sick.

The tug of the comb stopped, and Tony finally looked at Julie. She pulled the blanket over him and went to the counter to label the evidence bag. He knew what was coming next and began trembling.

"Do you need some time before we move on?" Sarah asked.

"No," the billionaire whispered. "I just want to get it over with."

"We'll start by taking pictures. Can you roll on your stomach for that?"

Julie and Sarah held the blanket in place so Tony could turn without exposing himself. It still hurt to move, but he barely noticed over the pounding of his heart. Sarah handed him a small package of wet wipes and pushed a biohazard box toward him. "Use these to wipe away the blood, and put them in here when you're finished. We'll be back in a moment."

Tony's hands shook as he cleaned himself. There was more blood than he expected, which intensified his fear that he would need surgery. After he finished, a knock at the door startled him. "Come in!" he called, his voice cracking, and the medical staff entered.

"I know this is embarrassing for you," Julie said, "so I'll make it quick. Would you please hold your buttocks apart?"

Tony's face burned, but he did as he was told. He swallowed and closed his eyes as Julie pulled down the blanket. Then he heard the camera click, and he shriveled inside. He couldn't imagine passing these pictures around a courtroom, but he knew they were necessary for medical records, too. He felt a moment of relief as Julie replaced the blanket, but he quickly remembered what was coming next and started to hyperventilate.

"Do you need a moment before I take the swab?" Sarah asked.

"Just do it," he replied hoarsely, burying his face in his elbow. He felt a sharp pain as the swab went in, and he gasped. He hadn't expected something so small to hurt so much.

"Are you all right?" the doctor asked.

"Fine," he croaked. "Just...tender." He flinched as the swab was removed. Sarah capped it and put it in a bag for Julie to label.

"You can sit up, now," the doctor said. "I'll get the release forms and enemas. Then you can take a shower."

Julie and Sarah held the blanket in place while Tony struggled onto his back. Then they took his hands and helped him up. After Sarah left, Tony looked at Julie miserably. "It gets better," she reassured him.

"But my life will never be the same, will it?" he asked.

"No," Julie admitted with a sigh. "But it can still be a good life."

Sarah returned with a clipboard and brown paper bag. When Tony had signed all the paperwork, she handed him the bag. He glanced in it and saw two boxes.

"Those are the enemas," Sarah explained. "Instructions are in the bag. The bathroom is through that door," she explained, pointing. "It has a shower, and you'll find soap, shampoo, and towels in there." She handed him a toothbrush and toothpaste. "You'll probably want these as well. Just get me or Julie in the hall when you're finished."

The women left, and Tony looked in the bag and sighed. He slid off the exam table, picked up his clean clothes, and shuffled into the bathroom.


	6. Purgatory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fears confirmed, fears allayed.

When Tony looked in the mirror, a jolt of surprise shot through him. He knew he'd be a mess, but he wasn't expecting this. He had a black eye, bruised cheek, and busted lip, as well as several cuts from a ring one of the guards had worn. His hair was sticking up on one side and matted down on the other, and it was filthy with vomit.

The memory of having his face shoved in his own puke made him sick again, and he dry-heaved over the toilet. Then he washed his hands and face, trying to remove the memory of Loki's pubic hair against his skin. He brushed his teeth until his gums bled and finally gave up.

Then he stared at the paper bag. He didn't want to do this, but it had to be done. He pulled the instructions out and read them briefly. It seemed straightforward, even if his stomach was in knots. He positioned himself on the toilet and removed the first enema from its box. The nozzle didn't look large, but it was bigger than the swab--and that had been painful enough. He clenched his jaw and pushed the tip in.

_He shuddered as Loki pressed his penis against him. Then, in one merciless thrust, his ass exploded with pain, and he bit his lip to avoid crying out as the god slowly inched his way deeper._

Tears streamed down Tony's face, and he squeezed the bottle hard, forcing the liquid up his ass until he felt like his insides would burst.

_As Loki fucked him, he felt the growing urge to defecate. He knew it was a phantom sensation caused by the pressure of Loki inside him, but his own bodily functions would forever after remind him of the rape._

He clenched his buttocks tight as the cramps intensified so he could hold the fluid for the recommended time. But he couldn't stop it from trickling out. He finally gave up and released it.

Then he opened the second enema and thrust it in before he could change his mind. It hurt as much, if not more, than the first.

_"Strip him and tie him on his stomach," Loki commanded. "I want to leave him with a parting gift." The god picked up a statue of Stark Tower that Tony had been using for a paperweight._

_"No!" The billionaire squawked as the guards tore his clothes off and wrestled him onto the table. "Please, I'll do anything..." He struggled in vain as the men tied him down. "Don't do this! You'll kill me."_

_"No," Loki replied. "You'll only **wish** you were dead."_

_Tony shrieked as the god shoved the statue up his ass. It felt like a hot, serrated knife cutting him open._

He squeezed the bottle so hard his hand hurt. This was supposed to cleanse him inside, but he felt even dirtier. He hurled the used enema in the trash and fought to retain the liquid. But it leaked out again, and he realized with horror that he couldn't control his own bowels. Loki had turned him into a baby.

Tony knew surgery was inevitable, now. It would be painful and humiliating, and there would be a lengthy recovery. But maybe the doctors could get his body working right again. He hoped so--because there was no such thing as an incontinent superhero. His silent tears turned into violent sobs that shook his whole body, and he sat there for several minutes, rocking and weeping, until the convulsions faded into a soft shudder. Then he wiped himself gingerly and shuffled to the shower.

When he finally entered the waiting room wearing jeans and a T-shirt, he rubbed his wrists self-consciously and wished Pepper had packed long sleeves. The bruises on his face could pass for remnants of a heroic fight, but the rope burns clearly marked him a victim. He tugged the back of his shirt in an effort to hide any blood that was seeping through his pants and made his way to Pepper, who looked up and smiled sadly. If she noticed his eyes were red, she didn't say anything.

"I've already had my x-rays," he told her. "Just a couple of broken ribs." Actually, two were broken and three were cracked, but that seemed inconsequential, now. "They should be calling me soon...for the procedure."

Pepper took Tony's hand. It was pale and wrinkled from the long shower. "We're going to get through this."

We? He was the one who'd been gang-raped, the one with the broken body, the one who'd be having nightmares the rest of his life. He pressed his lips together and inhaled sharply through his nose as he sat next to Pepper. Then he stared at the floor and said, "I need surgery."

Pepper frowned. "I thought you were still waiting for the exam."

"I am. But I can tell something's wrong." He didn't look up, but he could feel Pepper watching him. "What if they can't fix me? Can you love a man in diapers?"

Pepper took a deep breath. "With reconstructive surgery--"

"You're not answering the question."

"That's because you're borrowing trouble. You don't even know if--"

"Just tell me! When will you stop loving me? After the surgery? When I have to give up the iron suit? When I can't function day-to-day? Tell me, because it's bound to happen some time."

"I'm not going to stop loving you," Pepper replied. "You know that."

"Well, you should. You should walk away right now while you have the chance because I'm broken. I'm broken beyond repair, and love won't change that. If you stay with me, I'll only be a burden to you."

"Tony, look at me." When the billionaire didn't respond, Pepper placed her hand under his chin. He lifted his head and glanced furtively into her eyes. "Loving you is not a burden."

"Not yet, maybe. But it will be. You have no idea how bad it was." He dropped his head again. "You don't know the things I did."

Pepper put her hand on his knee. "You did what you had to do to survive. And I'm glad you survived."

Tony brushed her hand away. "This isn't surviving. I'm not the person I used to be."

"But you're alive. And you can heal."

A nurse interrupted them. "Mr. Stark? We need to prep you for the procedure."

Tony sighed and struggled to his feet.

Pepper said, "I'll be waiting for you."

"You may be waiting a long time," he replied and followed the nurse out.


	7. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony discovers just how bad it really is.

When Tony awoke he was in the recovery room, which was large enough to accommodate several beds. But most of the surgeries for the day had been done already, and there were only two patients left. The other one seemed to be sleeping, thankfully.

Tony was lying on his side with gauze stuffed between his buttocks. His ribs hurt, so he shifted his weight--and felt an unexpected pain in his abdomen, where something plastic was poking him. He put his hand on it, and his heart stopped. "I have a colostomy bag!"

Pepper was sitting next to the bed, and she scooted forward. "It's only temporary," she reassured him.

Tony frowned. "How long is temporary?"

"A couple of months."

He groaned.

Pepper flagged a nurse who was walking by. "Can you let the doctor know he's awake, now?"

After the nurse left, Tony said, "How bad is it?"

"I'd better let the doctor explain."

"That bad?"

Pepper blushed. "No. It's just...complicated."

"But you're smart," Tony persisted. "Tell me."

"I'd rather wait--"

"Tell me!" Just then Sarah entered, and Tony turned to her. "What's wrong with me?"

"Your sphincter was torn," Sarah replied, "and we had to perform reconstructive surgery. The colostomy is just a temporary bypass until you heal. We should be able to remove it in two or three months. In the meantime, you'll need to use dilators to stretch the muscle and ensure proper healing."

Tony felt like he'd been doused with cold water. "What?!"

"They're tapered rubber rods of varying size that that you insert--"

"I get it! I get it!" Tony snapped.

Sarah adjusted her glasses. "You'll need to use them a few minutes every day until the colostomy is removed."

The billionaire snorted. "I can't just move on with my life, can I?"

Pepper said, "It's only for a couple of months."

"You don't get it!" Tony barked. "You have no idea how hard it was for me to...to prep for the procedure. Even doing it myself made me feel like I was being attacked. I can't go through that every day for a month!"

Sarah said, "A therapist will see you before discharge to help you deal with those feelings."

"Fine," Tony answered. He knew the therapist wouldn't be much help, but he could handle anything with enough scotch. And the sooner he got out of here, the sooner he could have some. "How long do I have to stay?"

"One, maybe two nights. It depends on how quickly your digestive system recovers. I'll come back later to listen for bowel sounds. In the meantime, try to get some rest."

After Sarah left, Tony said, "Where do I go from here? I can't go back to Malibu where it happened, and Stark Tower..."

"You have the means to go wherever you want," Pepper reminded him.

"I know, but...where do I go to feel safe? Loki got past my security, and I have the best security in the world."

"You have The Hulk on your side," Pepper reassured him. "Bruce has agreed to be your body guard until Loki is captured."

Tony felt like he'd been hit in the chest with a sledge hammer. "You told Banner? I thought I made it clear I didn't want anyone to know."

Pepper cringed. "I didn't tell him."

Her body language could only mean one thing. "You didn't tell him, but he knows."

Pepper bit her lip and nodded.

"How did he find out?"

The redhead sighed. "Loki broadcast the security footage."

The entirety of Tony's being folded in on itself. "My life is ruined," he whispered.

Pepper took his hand. "No, it's not! The outpouring of support has been incredible."

"Everyone sees me as a victim, now," the billionaire said, staring into space. Some would pity him, others would laugh. But no one would respect him. "Have you seen it?"

"No. I couldn't bear to watch."

Tony sighed. "Well, you should hear it from me first: I was a voluntary participant."

Pepper ran her finger over Tony's wrist. "This doesn't look voluntary."

"I mean before that. When Loki had me on my knees... I sucked his dick like a lollipop."

"Tony! You had a gun to your head. What else could you do?"

"I should have bitten it off! I should have taken the bullet." He winced as he shifted his weight. "I should have died an honorable death instead of living like a coward."

Pepper leaned close and said, "The dishonor is Loki's, not yours."

Tony closed his eyes and swallowed. "But I came all over myself. I liked it."

"Remember what Sarah said? That has nothing to do with consent. It only means nerves were stimulated."

Tony opened his eyes, and they were red. "That doesn't make the shame go away."

"Maybe not," Pepper agreed. "But you need to hear it."

He glanced around the room. "Where's the TV?" he asked.

"There isn't one."

"But I want to watch the news," he insisted. "I want to know what Loki is doing."

Pepper shook her head. "Don't put yourself through that. The Avengers are taking care of it."

"But I can't just lie here thinking about what happened. I need to do something."

Pepper pulled a tablet from her purse. "I have a couple of physics books saved offline."

Tony squinted at her. "Since when have you been interested in physics?"

"Since we started dating," Pepper said with a shrug. "I wanted to know more about your work, and the more I learned, the more interested I became."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

The redhead smiled mischievously. "You seemed to enjoy explaining things to me, so I let you."


	8. A Friend in Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce comes to Tony's aid

Tony fell asleep while reading, and when he awoke, he was in a private room with Pepper nowhere in sight. Instead, Bruce was sitting by the bed, tapping on a tablet. "Damn it, Banner! You shouldn't be here."

"That's a fine hello," Bruce said, looking up from his device.

Tony grimaced as he tried to roll on his back. "You should be out saving the world from Loki."

"I'm right where I need to be," Bruce replied. He put his work on the nightstand and stood to help Tony. 

"I've got this," the billionaire insisted. He gripped the bed rails and turned, sending sharp pain through his cracked ribs. The broken ones were on the other side, thankfully. Then he groped the sheets, looking for the bed control. Bruce handed it to him, and he frowned. "Thanks," he said and pushed the button to raise the head. As the pressure on his bottom increased, so did the pain. But he had to sit up to prove to Bruce--and himself--that he wasn't completely helpless.

Bruce pulled his chair closer and sat down again. "I'm sorry about what happened."

Tony grunted in acknowledgment and adjusted his blanket. "What are you working on?" he asked, deliberately changing the subject.

"Just some calculations... How are you holding up?"

"How the hell do you think I'm holding up?" Tony snapped. For a moment he thought Bruce would hulk out. But instead the scientist took a deep breath and offered him a cup of ice chips. He took the cup reluctantly, avoiding his friend's gaze.

"I didn't watch," Bruce said softly.

"Is that supposed to comfort me?" Tony asked, staring at the glistening ice. He dumped a few chips in his mouth and let them melt on his tongue. The water eased his thirst but did little for his sore throat.

_He'd never given anyone a blow job before, but he knew what he liked to receive. So he pressed his tongue against the Loki's penis while caressing the god's buttocks. The trickster moaned and pushed against the back of Tony's mouth. The billionaire wasn't ready, and he tightened. But Loki held him by the hair and forced himself down his throat. Tony should have opened wider to accommodate the god, but in his inexperience he panicked and began choking. If he'd remained calm, if he'd done it right, Loki might have been satisfied and let him go. But that one mistake cost him everything._

His face felt hot, and he must have turned red because Bruce said, "It wasn't your fault."

He pursed his lips. "That's easy for you to say."

"And hard for you to believe," Bruce replied. "I know."

Tony scowled at his cup.

"I had a split personality before the gamma blast," Bruce admitted. "Radiation made the other guy big and strong, but he's been around since childhood."

Tony wasn't surprised. He knew Bruce's father was an abusive alcoholic who killed his mother in front of him, and that kind of trauma could split a child's personality. But something was gnawing at the pit of his stomach. "Why are you telling me this now?"

Bruce tensed and brushed imaginary lint off his leg. "My father did things to me...sexual things."

Fiery rage blossomed through Tony's chest. No wonder his friend had anger issues. He wanted to kill the old man, himself. But the son of a bitch died years ago. 

Bruce raised one shoulder and said, "I thought you should know you're not alone."

Tony smoothed his blanket. If he hadn't been injured so badly, he would never have told anyone he was raped. But Bruce didn't have to talk about his abuse. "Thanks," Tony mumbled. "It took courage for you to tell me that, and I appreciate it." He wasn't ready to pour his heart out to Bruce, but it helped to know his friend understood the shame he was feeling.

Bruce cleared his throat and changed the subject. "The nurse is checking with the doctor to see if you're ready for broth, and Pepper went to the cafeteria to get something for herself."

Tony looked at the clock on the wall and realized it was time for dinner. That meant it was also time for the evening news, and he had a TV in his room, now. He picked up the remote and started flipping through channels.

"I wouldn't do that," Bruce advised.

"I need to know what Loki's doing," he insisted.

"Loki can't do much," Bruce replied. "He doesn't have the support of the chitauri anymore. I'm worried that you--" He stopped mid sentence when Tony's face went pale.

The billionaire's picture was on display behind a reporter's head with the caption, _Hero Assaulted_. "He was taken to an undisclosed hospital," the reporter concluded, "and his condition remains unknown at this time."

"Our thoughts are with him," the other reporter said. She was an attractive brunette, and Tony remembered having a tryst with her a few years back. She'd been good in bed and surprisingly discrete about their relationship. But for some reason that made his humiliation worse, now.

He flipped through a couple more channels and stopped on an entertainment network. There was Loki, swaggering up to him and saying, "Now there are five of us to prove you wrong."

Tony's heart raced, and he started trembling. Bruce gently took the remote from his hand and turned the TV off. But the billionaire couldn't stop staring at the black screen.

_He knew what Loki meant, but he couldn't believe it was happening. "I thought you were in prison," he replied, and his voice sounded distant, like it was coming from another body._

_"There's not a prison in the universe that can hold me," Loki bragged._

_Tony stared at his suits on the opposite side of the room. He couldn't activate them because he'd removed his bracelets to reach into a tight space on a new robot he was building._

"Damn it!" he shouted, and the sound of his own voice brought him back to the present.

Bruce was watching him with concern. "What's wrong?"

Tony had been hyperventilating, and his throat was dry. He reached for the ice, but his hand was still shaking. Bruce gave him the cup and helped steady it. Tony gorged on the chips, and when he was finished, he reached for the extra blanket at the foot of the bed. Bruce handed it to him, and he pulled it over his shoulders.

"I took off my remote control cuffs," he confessed with a shiver. "That's why I couldn't activate my suit. Why did I do that? I should have known better."

"You were in your own home with an advanced security system," Bruce reminded him. "You had no reason to expect danger."

"I'm a superhero! I should always expect danger. I'm going to design a new type of remote, one I can inject under my skin. I'm never letting this happen again."

"You didn't _let_ anything happen," Bruce replied.

Tony said, "Hand me that notepad and pen. I need to start sketching some ideas."


	9. A Way Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony doesn't want to be contrary, but his pride gets in the way.

When Pepper returned, Tony and Bruce were discussing schematics while a bowl of broth sat untouched. "Your food's getting cold."

"I don't consider that food," Tony quipped. Then he pointed at a diagram of his forearm and said to Bruce, "I like the idea of a biological interface. The microchips will be able to--"

"You need to eat," Pepper insisted. "Remember what the doctor said? Your digestive system has to start working again before you can be discharged."

Tony had been so distracted he'd almost forgotten the rape. He glanced at Bruce, who suddenly became interested in an imaginary piece of lint. Had Pepper told him about the colostomy? The thought made him wither inside. It was bad enough everyone knew what happened to him. Did they have to know about his injuries, too?

He wanted to lash out at Pepper, but what had she done wrong, really? She was just stating a fact. It wasn't her fault the truth made him uncomfortable. "Hand me the bowl," he grumbled. He tasted the broth and frowned. It was only lukewarm, but he ate it, anyway, because he didn't want Pepper to know she'd been right about it getting cold.

The redhead turned to Bruce and said, "Have you asked for a cot?"

Tony dropped the spoon. "A cot?"

"I thought I should stay here tonight," Bruce explained, "in case Loki returns."

A chill swept over the billionaire when he heard the god's name, but he said, "I don't need your protection."

Pepper tried to intervene. "You told me you didn't feel safe--"

"That was crazy talk," Tony lied. "I was still heavily drugged from surgery."

Bruce said, "There's no shame in letting others help."

"I don't need help! I can take care of myself. I just got careless, that's all. I won't let it happen again."

Pepper sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

Bruce took a deep breath and said, "It wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was! Either I was too weak to defend myself, or I was careless. I can fix carelessness." Pepper said something, but Tony wasn't listening. He was watching Bruce, whose eyes had become dull and distant, like his soul had left his body. "You know what I mean, don't you?"

Pepper stopped talking, and Bruce turned slowly toward Tony. Of course he knew. Tony could imagine him as a little boy, blaming himself for being small and helpless, vowing to become strong. The Hulk kept that vow, and Bruce became the careful one, keeping others at a distance. Tony suddenly felt like a voyeur into his friend's life, and he straightened his blanket to avoid eye contact.

Instead of answering Tony's question, Bruce said, "You can let me guard you, or you can get another Avenger. But you have to have a bodyguard." When Tony refused to look up, he added, "Any of us would under the circumstances."

Tony's throat tightened, and he didn't know if he wanted to scream or cry. The world had gotten away from him, and he was no longer in control. Pepper was treating him like a child, and Bruce was making decisions for him. Hell, he couldn't even control his own bowels. "Bodyguards did this to me," he reminded them. He didn't like being contrary. He actually wanted protection, but not at the expense of looking weak or having it forced on him.

"They didn't have superpowers to resist," Bruce replied. "The Hulk has already proven he can defeat Loki."

"Let him stay...for my peace of mind," Pepper added.

Finally! A way out. Now Tony could accept help without appearing to need it. "Okay, I'll do it for you," he said, trying to hide his relief.


	10. Devil's Advocate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has to confront his guilt.

When Tony awoke, Pepper was standing at the foot of the bed, smiling impishly as she unbuttoned her blouse. "I'll bet you've never done it in the hospital," she said.

"No, I can't say I have," Tony admitted. He felt warm, but he couldn't tell if he was aroused or embarrassed.

"I finally got rid of Bruce," she continued. "And the nurses are on break." She slipped her shirt off, revealing a lacy bra that barely covered her breasts. 

"All the nurses?" Tony asked, his voice cracking like a schoolboy's.

"All of them." Pepper unfastened her skirt and let it fall to the floor. Then she stepped out her shoes and crawled on the bed like a tiger.

Tony hardened as she knelt on him. He wanted to fuck her until they both came in a crashing wave of ecstasy. But he remembered climaxing with Loki and felt like he was made of mud. "Please, don't."

"Are you batting for the other team, now?" she teased, sliding her panties down and pressing her hot skin against his.

"No... Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I..." He was leaving a trail of pre-cum on her belly. "It's just... It's too soon." He pulsated with desire as she dragged her moist vulva across his penis. "This isn't right," he stammered. "Stop."

Pepper ignored him and pushed down, sheathing him with her tight heat. He felt sick and wanted to shove her off, but his arms wouldn't move. "Stop! You remind me of Loki!"

Suddenly she _was_ Loki. "I'm glad I made such a big impression," he said. "Let's do it again, shall we?"

The next thing Tony knew, his knees were pinned to his shoulders. The god thrust into him, and he screamed.

"Tony!"

A flash of light blinded him. Then a shadow moved into view. "Tony! It's a dream."

He squinted and saw it was Bruce.

"You're safe, now. It's just a dream."

As his his eyes adjusted to the light he saw no sign of Loki...or Pepper. Then he remembered his girlfriend had gone to a hotel after visiting hours ended.

"Mr. Stark?" A new voice made him jump. It came from a nurse standing in the doorway. "Do you need help?" she asked.

"No," the billionaire replied. "It was just a nightmare." He shivered and pulled the covers higher.

"I can get you another blanket," she offered.

Tony wasn't cold: he was trembling with fear. He only covered himself because he felt exposed and vulnerable. But he agreed to an extra blanket to avoid admitting his cowardice.

"I can get you an anxiety pill, too."

"No, I'm fine," he lied.

After the nurse left, Bruce said, "Stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Pretending everything's fine when it's not. You were gang raped, Tony! No one expects you to tough it out."

That was the first time Bruce--or any other man--had used the word _rape_ , and it packed a wallop. Men weren't supposed to get raped, much less talk about it. Tony's face burned with shame, and he wanted to shrink under the the bed. "I can't afford to be weak," he replied, "not as a super hero. People are depending on me. I've got to show them I can bounce back, I can still protect them."

"You're not the only super hero," Bruce reminded him. "The rest of us can cover for you until your wounds have healed."

"I'm not talking about my injuries. I'm talking about my reputation. No one will take me seriously, now."

Bruce shifted his weight and studied his hands. "Do you take me seriously?"

"What? Of course I do."

Bruce looked up. "Even now, knowing what happened to me?"

"That wasn't your fault."

"And this was yours?"

Tony turned to ice. "I told you, I took off my cuffs."

"You took them off because you wanted to get raped?"

Tony's stomach lurched. "No! I was... I was being careless."

"So you knew Loki was going to hijack your security?"

"No! If I'd known, I... I should have known."

"Why? Did you get a memo that Loki had escaped?"

"Of course not! Why are you interrogating me? I'm not the criminal!" Bruce's eyes lit up, and suddenly Tony understood. "I'm not the criminal," he repeated softly.

"No, you're not," his friend reassured him. "No one saw this coming. The Avengers, SHIELD, the Asgardians... No one. The only person to blame is Loki."

Tony felt like he'd been stabbed in the chest, and he grimaced.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," the billionaire gasped. "Just due for a little maintenance." He tapped his arc reactor and forced a laugh.

Bruce frowned. "You're having an anxiety attack, aren't you?"

"No," Tony lied. "It's been a while since I..." He groaned as his lungs constricted.

Bruce pressed the call button. When the nurse answered, he said, "I think he's going to need that anxiety pill, after all."


	11. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony awakes, but the nightmare isn't over.

"Mr. Stark?"

"Oh, God!" Tony bolted upright, his heart racing. The sudden movement sent a sharp pain up his butt, and he winced as he grabbed the bed rails to reposition himself. "What do you want?" he grumbled. He'd had a fitful night, startling awake at every sound.

"I'm Dr. Mitchum," the man replied. "I need to check on your recovery."

Tony sighed and looked at Bruce, who took the hint. "I'm going to get some coffee."

When Bruce left, the doctor said, "Would you move the blanket so I can listen for bowel sounds?" Tony did, and the doctor placed a stethoscope on top of his gown. After a moment, he said, "Now lift the gown so I can check your colostomy."

Tony raised the garment slowly and looked down. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the plastic bag. The side facing him was white, so he couldn't see the opening in his abdomen or the waste he was expelling. But its mere presence was enough to remind him of yesterday's horror.

"See this puffiness?" Dr. Mitchum asked. The bag was starting to look like a Mylar balloon. "You're passing air, which means your bowels are working again. That's a good sign. Has anyone showed you how to burp the bag or change it?"

Tony blushed. "No." He felt like Dr. Mitchum was watching him use the toilet.

"The bag is attached to the surgical opening, or stoma, by a plastic ring," the doctor explained, reaching under the bag. "Just lift the edge of the ring and press the air out...like burping Tupperware."

If Tony was supposed to laugh, he didn't.

"Change the bag before it's half full," Dr. Mitchum continued. "And if the opening gets plugged, take a laxative." He went to the sink and ran water over a washcloth. When he returned, he pried the bag off, revealing a pink bubble of flesh surrounded by plastic.

Tony had expected the stoma to look more like a hole.

Dr. Mitchum turned the bag so Tony could see its transparent underside. "Call your doctor if you see pus or blood in your stool." He dropped it in a biohazard bin and pointed to the ring on Tony's abdomen. "That's a skin barrier," he explained. It keeps the area around the stoma from getting irritated. A nurse will show you how to replace it when it's time." He washed around the ring and snapped a new bag in place.

"I guess my hot tub days are over," Tony remarked as the doctor was cleaning up and changing gloves.

"You can submerge the opening," Dr. Mitchum reassured him. "But I suggest keeping the bag on so things don't get messy. You'll get a complete set of instructions at discharge. Now if you'll turn on your side, I'll perform a brief rectal exam."

Tony's muscles went rigid, and he swallowed to keep from puking. He grasped the bed rail and pulled himself into position, grimacing as pain shot through his ribs. He twitched when Dr. Mitchum rubbed cold lube over his sore hole. If only the assailants had been so kind... The doctor's finger went in easily, but Tony's skin crawled like roaches startled by light. He stared at the fake wood grain on his nightstand until it began to blur. Then he shouted, "Stop!" It was a reflex, hammered out before he could think, and it embarrassed him.

"I'm sorry I upset you," the doctor said, sliding his finger out.

Tony curled into a tight ball and pulled the blanket over his head.

"Everything is healing nicely," Dr. Mitchum said as he pulled off his gloves. "You should be able to go home this afternoon."

"I can't," Tony muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"I can't go home," he explained. "That's where it happened."

"I'm sure a wealthy man like you has plenty of other places to go," Dr. Mitchum replied, washing his hands.

But there was no place Tony felt safe.

"Breakfast will be ready soon," the doctor added, tossing a paper towel in the trash. "You get to have soft foods today. I'll be back later to complete your discharge paperwork."

He left, and Tony buried his face in the pillow.


	12. Polarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Depending on others isn't easy

Tony was still crying in his pillow when Bruce said, "What's wrong?"

"Oh, God!" he shouted, sitting up reflexively. It was the same reaction he'd had when the doctor startled him. Was this how he was always going to respond, now? What kind of super hero was that? "Jesus, Bruce! Don't you ever knock?"

"I thought you were sleeping until I saw your shoulders shake," his friend replied, taking a seat.

The air against Tony's wet face made him cold. But he refused to wipe away his tears and call attention to them.

Bruce noticed, anyway, and handed him a box of Kleenex. "Did something happen during the exam?"

Tony set the box aside. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Memories, most likely," Bruce replied, pulling a Kleenex out of the box and giving it to him.

Tony took it but still refused to wipe his tears.

"Flashbacks aren't always obvious," Bruce explained. "They can be thoughts, feelings, behaviors that seem out of place..."

Tony crushed the Kleenex in his fist. "I don't need a lecture on PTSD. You're supposed to be my bodyguard, not my shrink."

The muscles in Bruce's jaw twitched. "I was just sharing something that helped me--"

"I'm not you!" Tony snapped. He thought he saw a shimmer of green in his friend's eyes, but he kept talking. "You can't resolve your daddy issues by making me your charity case."

Bruce closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Tony hoped he'd change into the Hulk and beat the crap out of him. He deserved it. He _needed_ it. The pain of broken bones would be a welcome distraction from the weight on his chest right now.

But when Bruce opened his eyes, they were brown again. He stood and looked at Tony as if he were going to speak. But instead he pressed his lips together and walked out.

Tony frowned at the door, fuming over Bruce's meddling until he realized he was finally alone. He picked up the remote and turned on the TV.

One of the morning talk shows had a guest explaining the effects of rape on men. A story about his own rape, no doubt. He flipped past it quickly. He didn't need someone telling him how he should feel. Besides, he was looking for something else.

He paused on a financial report long enough to hear the analyst say, "Stark Industries stock continues to plummet after news that CEO Tony Stark has been gang-raped. The condition and whereabouts of the eccentric billionaire remain unknown, but it's believed he's seeking treatment at an area hospital." Tony was surprised the media hadn't found him yet and wondered how much Pepper paid the hospital staff to keep quiet.

He changed the channel again and was assaulted by a God-awful scream that turned his blood to ice. It barely sounded human, let alone male, but he recognized it right away. It was the shriek he made when Loki rammed the statue into him. There was no video, just audio playing over his portrait. Network censors had probably ruled that the footage too graphic, even when blurred. A reporter said, "That was from video released yesterday of war criminal Loki Laufeyson raping Iron Man Tony Stark.

Tony's stomach churned, and bile crept up his throat as he remembered the white-hot pain. It was the only time he screamed during his ordeal. He'd done everything else up to that point. He'd cursed, cried, and begged. But he'd clung to the one shred of dignity that he did not scream. Then came a pain like nothing he'd ever felt before, and the sound erupted from him like an explosion. He knew he was dying. No one survived pain that intense.

"Tony! Why are you watching that crap?" Pepper had entered while he was lost in memory, and her voice startled him.

He shut off the TV and hid the remote. "I need to know what Loki's doing."

"He's not doing anything. And this... This is bad for you. It's making you sick."

She was right. His stomach was still in knots, and he wanted to vomit. But he said, "What do you mean, Loki's not doing anything? He has to be doing something."

"If he is, he's keeping it under the radar. No one has seen or heard anything from him since... Well, since he released the video yesterday." She took a seat by the bed, and Tony realized he was still clutching the rejected Kleenex. He tossed it in the trash, and she looked at him knowingly.

He felt dirty and naked. When was the last time she'd seen him cry? Had he ever cried in front of her? Come to think of it, when was the last time he cried? "Loki may not be in the news," he said, "but S.H.I.E.L.D. must have some idea where he is."

Pepper tightened her lips and shook her head. "They wouldn't be asking me so many questions if they knew."

Shit. That meant they'd be coming to Tony next, and he wasn't ready to talk about the rape. "That's not like Loki," he said. "He wants to rule the world, and he can't do it in hiding."

"Maybe we don't know Loki as well as we think," Pepper replied. "Until yesterday, I never thought he'd commit rape."

That word again. Was he ever going to get used to hearing it?

Pepper glanced around and said, "Where's Bruce?"

Tony hugged his waist. "He left."

"Where did he go?"

Tony looked down and shrugged. "I don't know. I made him mad, so he probably went some place quiet to calm down."

"What did you say to him?" Pepper asked.

Tony could hear the exasperation in her voice, and it made him defensive. "I just got tired of his meddling, that's all. Everyone's treating me like I'm incompetent."

"I don't think that was his intent--"

"There!" Tony said. "You're doing it right now. Don't you hear your tone of voice?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You sound like you're talking to a child. I don't need to be placated. I understand what's going on, Pepper. I hate it, but I understand. And when it comes down to it, I'll do the right thing, whether I like it or not."

Now Pepper was defensive, too. "I know," she said. "But I think you're taking your anger out on the wrong people."

Tony sighed and leaned back, flinching at the pain. He knew Pepper was right. He was lashing out at his friends because he felt vulnerable and exposed. But that wasn't their fault. It was Loki's. "I'm sorry," he said. "I appreciate all you're doing for me. Really, I do. It's just...so hard." He wanted to say more, but he couldn't find the words to explain how humiliating it was to be in this position, to go from super hero to victim in a single thrust, to find himself utterly dependent on the kindness of others after experiencing such cruelty.

Pepper's tension dissolved, and she took Tony's hand. "I love you."

The words caught him off guard, and he squeezed her hand as a fought back a fresh wave of tears.


End file.
